Master Your Emotions: The Power of Emotional Intelligence

How I Tamed My Amygdala and Transformed My Life

Sep 08, 2024

The Day My Amygdala Went Rogue

Imagine a scenario: It's a regular day at work. The office is buzzing with activity, and you're engrossed in your tasks. Suddenly, your manager drops a bomb - a piece of feedback that feels like a personal attack. Before you can even process it, you find yourself on your feet, words pouring out of your mouth in a heated rush.

The rational part of your brain is shouting, 'Stop! Think!' But it's too late. You've said things you wish you could take back. Sound familiar? We've all experienced these moments when our emotions take over, and our logic takes a backseat.

It's frustrating and embarrassing, and it often leaves us wondering, 'What just happened?' Well, my friends, what happened was a classic case of amygdala hijacking. And trust me, it's not as fun as it sounds.

Meet Your Brain's Drama Queen: The Amygdala

Before we dive deeper, let me introduce you to a tiny but mighty part of your brain: the amygdala. Think of it as your brain's own little drama queen. It's always on high alert, ready to sound the alarm at the slightest hint of danger or discomfort.

The amygdala is part of our brain's limbic system, which is responsible for our emotions, survival instincts, and memory. It's been around since our caveman days when quick reactions could mean the difference between being dinner and having dinner.

Imagine our prehistoric ancestors out for a casual stroll when suddenly they hear a rustle in the bushes. Their amygdala kicks into high gear, screaming, "DANGER! RUN!" Before they even have time to process what that rustle might be, their body is already in full flight mode.

This quick reaction, courtesy of the amygdala, could save their life if that rustle turned out to be a saber-toothed tiger. The Amygdala in Modern Times: From Saber-Toothed Tigers to Snarky Coworkers

Fast forward to today. We're not precisely dodging predators on our way to the water cooler (unless you count that one coworker who always steals your lunch). But our amygdala doesn't know that. It's still on high alert, ready to protect us from threats - real or perceived. So when your boss gives you unexpected criticism or a colleague makes a snide comment, your amygdala might react as if you've just encountered a hungry lion. It floods your system with stress hormones, preparing you for fight or flight. And that's when things can get... interesting.

My Personal Amygdala Adventure

Let me share a personal anecdote that illustrates this perfectly. A few years ago, I worked on a high-stakes project for a major client. The pressure was intense, and I burned the candle at both ends.

One day, during a team meeting, a colleague questioned my approach to a critical deliverable. I might have calmly explained my reasoning on a good day or even considered their perspective. But on this particular day, my amygdala decided it was showtime.

Before I knew it, I was on my feet, voice raised, defending my work with the ferocity of a mama bear protecting her cubs. The room fell silent. My colleagues stared at me wide-eyed. And as the adrenaline subsided, I felt a wave of regret wash over me. I had just torpedoed my professional reputation in less than five minutes.

That night, as I lay in bed, teeth clenched from stress (hello, nocturnal bruxism!), I knew something had to change. I couldn't let my amygdala run the show anymore.

The Neocortex: Your Brain's Voice of Reason

Now, you might be wondering, "If the amygdala is so trigger-happy, how do we ever manage to keep our cool?" Enter the neocortex, the thinking part of our brain. The neocortex is like the wise elder to the amygdala's impulsive teenager. It's responsible for rational thought, problem-solving, and impulse control.

In an ideal world, the neocortex would always say, "Whoa, there, the amygdala. Let's think this through before we start yelling at our boss."But here's the catch: the amygdala processes information faster than the neocortex. By the time your rational brain catches up, your emotional brain might have already hit the panic button.

The Great Brain Race: Amygdala vs. Neocortex

Imagine your brain as a busy intersection. The amygdala is like a sports car, zipping through yellow lights and taking sharp turns. On the other hand, the neocortex is more like a careful driver, stopping at every intersection and checking both ways. In everyday situations, this isn't a problem.

Your amygdala and neocortex work together, with the amygdala providing quick emotional responses and the neocortex adding nuanced understanding. But in high-stress situations, it's like the amygdala floors the gas pedal while the neocortex is still buckling its seatbelt.

This is what Daniel Goleman, the guru of emotional intelligence, calls an "amygdala hijack."

When the Amygdala Takes the Wheel

During an amygdala hijack, your emotional brain essentially kidnaps your rational brain. It's like your inner caveman has taken over, ready to fight or flee, even if the "threat" is just a strongly worded email. This hijacking can lead to all sorts of problematic behaviors:

Overreacting to minor issues
Making impulsive decisions
Saying things you later regret
Physical symptoms like increased heart rate or sweating
Difficulty concentrating or thinking clearly

Sound familiar? Yeah, me too.

The High Cost of Amygdala Hijacks

These emotional hijackings can have serious consequences, especially in professional settings. In my case, that one outburst led to strained relationships with my colleagues, sleepless nights, and a whole lot of damage control.

But it's not just about professional repercussions. Chronic stress from frequent amygdala hijacks can take a toll on your physical and mental health. It can lead to:

Increased risk of heart disease
Weakened immune system
Digestive issues
Anxiety and depression
Sleep problems (like my nocturnal bruxism)

Clearly, there are better long-term strategies than letting our amygdala run wild.

Taming the Amygdala: My Journey to Emotional Intelligence

After my embarrassing outburst, I knew I needed to make a change. I dove headfirst into the world of emotional intelligence, devouring books by Daniel Goleman and others. I was determined to find a way to keep my amygdala in check. What I discovered was both simple and profound: while we can't stop our amygdala from reacting, we can train ourselves to respond differently to its alarms.

The 10-Second Rule: Buying Time for Your Neocortex

One of the most straightforward techniques I learned was the 10-second rule. When you feel your emotions starting to spiral, take a deep breath and count to ten. This brief pause gives your neocortex time to catch up and assess the situation more rationally.

At first, ten seconds felt like an eternity. In the heat of the moment, it was all I could do to make it to five. But with practice, I got better. Eventually, I even extended it to fifty seconds for particularly triggering situations.

Meditation: The Amygdala's Chill Pill

Another game-changer for me was meditation. Regular mindfulness practice has been shown to shrink the amygdala over time, making it less reactive to stress. I started with just five minutes a day, focusing on my breath. It wasn't easy—my mind wandered constantly. But slowly, I began to notice changes. I was less reactive and more aware of my emotions as they arose.

The Power of a Pause Phrase

As I continued my emotional intelligence journey, I developed what I call a "pause phrase." It's a simple sentence I use to buy myself time when I feel my amygdala gearing up for action:

"Thanks for sharing with me. I don't have an opinion about it right now, and I will think about it and talk to you later."

This phrase serves multiple purposes:

It acknowledges the other person, showing that you've heard them.
It buys you time to process your emotions and think rationally.
It prevents you from saying something in the heat of the moment that you might regret later.

Putting It All Together: A Real-World Example

Let me share how this all came together in a real-world situation. A few months after my initial amygdala hijack incident, I found myself in a similar high-pressure meeting. A colleague once again questioned my work, using language that felt personally attacking.

I felt the familiar surge of adrenaline, my amygdala ready to pounce. But this time, I was prepared. I took a deep breath and silently counted to ten. Then, I used my pause phrase:

"Thanks for sharing your perspective. I don't have a response right now, but I'll think about it and get back to you later."

The result? Instead of a heated argument, we had a productive discussion later when emotions had cooled. My colleague appreciated that I had taken the time to consider their input, and we ended up with a stronger final product.

The Ongoing Journey of Emotional Intelligence

Now, I'd love to tell you that I've entirely mastered my amygdala and never have an emotional outburst or say things I regret. But the truth is, it's an ongoing process. There are still days when my amygdala gets the better of me.

The difference now is that I have the tools to manage these situations. I'm more aware of my emotional triggers, and I'm better equipped to handle them when they arise.

Lessons from the Amygdala: What I've Learned

Through this journey of understanding and taming my amygdala, I've learned some valuable lessons:

Emotions aren't the enemy. With all its quirks, our amygdala plays a crucial role in our survival and decision-making. The goal isn't to suppress emotions but to manage them effectively.
Self-awareness is critical: Recognizing when your amygdala is taking over is the first step in preventing an emotional hijack.
Practice makes progress: Like any skill, practice improves emotional intelligence. Every challenging situation is an opportunity to flex your EQ muscles.
It's okay to pause. In our fast-paced world, Feeling pressured to respond immediately is easy. But taking a moment to collect your thoughts can lead to better outcomes.
Empathy matters: Understanding that everyone has an amygdala prone to hijacking can increase our patience and compassion for others.

The Amygdala and Beyond: Embracing Emotional Intelligence

As I reflect on my journey from amygdala hijack victim to emotional intelligence practitioner, I'm struck by how much this understanding has improved not just my professional life but my personal relationships as well.

By learning to work with my amygdala rather than against it, I've become more resilient, empathetic, and effective in my interactions with others. I've learned to see emotional challenges not as obstacles but as opportunities for growth and deeper connection.

So, the next time you feel your amygdala revving up, remember that you have the power to take the wheel. With a bit of practice and patience, you, too, can kidnap your amygdala before it hijacks you.

After all, in the grand adventure of life, isn't it better to be the driver rather than the hostage?