How Embracing Grief Can Skyrocket Your Startup Success!
How Accepting Death Can Fuel Growth and Success
A dear friend recently asked me why I only wrote one specific article about my experience as a startup founder. I was avoiding it because I was still grieving the company’s sale. It was not a grand exit, but It was a needed one.
As a founder, building a company from scratch is never easy. It’s a journey filled with highs and lows, successes and failures, and unexpected twists and turns. But perhaps the most challenging aspect of this journey is its emotional toll on us. When we invest so much of ourselves in a project, we also support our hopes, dreams, and aspirations. And when something goes wrong, or we lose something or someone important, it can feel like something or someone dear has died.
Grief is a common experience among startup founders and is often taboo in the entrepreneurial world. Resilience is often touted as a critical trait for success, but it is essential to recognize that resilience does not mean enduring abuse or neglect. While inorganic materials may be able to return to their original shape after being deformed, human beings must actively work to adapt and grow in the face of adversity. Resilience is the ability of individuals, communities, or systems to adapt and recover from stress and adversity. It is a process that requires effort, energy, and intentionality.
But as difficult as it may be, embracing the grief that comes with each death is essential. Because when we suppress that grief and push it aside, we miss out on an opportunity for growth and transformation. Whether it’s the death of an idea, a partnership, or a team member, each teaches us something new about ourselves and our vision. It gives us a new perspective on our approach and helps us refine our strategies.
Grief is a transformative experience that changes us at our core. It’s not something to be avoided or ignored but rather something to be faced head-on. As we fully confront and process our grief, we also allow ourselves to become something new, better, and more robust. We’re forced to reevaluate our priorities, values, and goals. And when we emerge on the other side, we’re transformed.
We plant the seeds of transformation in the ways we process adverse events. After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that three P’s can stunt recovery:
Personalization—the belief that we are at fault;
Pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life; and
Permanence—the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever. Yet blame and rumination have never solved anything. Accepting limitations and losses is a necessary step in building resilience.
You see, as founders, we have to endure. But that doesn’t mean we must suppress our grief or deny ourselves the opportunity to transform. In fact, resilience often results from embracing our grief, allowing ourselves to be changed by it, and using that transformation to fuel us forward. So when we experience a small death, let’s not shy away from the pain but rather embrace it as an opportunity for growth and transformation. It’s the only way we can truly build something great that we breathe life into out of nothing. We must be willing to face death head-on, embrace the grief that comes with it, and transform that grief into something positive.
As a founder, I know all too well the pain of loss. Each time we lose someone or something, it takes a piece of us. It can be a team member, a key customer, a significant investment, or an idea that didn’t quite work out. But as hard as it is, we must learn to accept these deaths as a natural part of the journey.
You might think you would get used to it after the first few deaths, but that’s not the case. Each loss hits just as hard as the first. And as founders, we don’t just grieve privately. Do it public, and suffer with our teams, investors, and customers. It’s a vulnerable position but also necessary for your soul.
In those moments of grief, it can be tempting to give up. To throw in the towel and walk away. But that’s when adaptability comes into play. Adaptability is not about powering through the pain or pretending it doesn’t exist. It’s about facing the pain head-on and allowing it to transform us.
As the founder and CEO of Zappos, Tony Hsieh, once said, “Resilience is not about bouncing back; it’s about bouncing forward.” And that’s precisely what we have to do as founders. Embracing each death can give us something new, a new perspective on our vision, and a refined approach. It can make us stronger and more determined to succeed.
I know it’s easy to say than done. It’s not an easy journey, but it’s one that we choose. We chose it because we believe in our vision and our ability to bring it to life. But most of us don’t know the price we will pay or how it will transform us. If you are wondering about becoming a founder, just accept these facts:
You will be more wrong than right, and that’s ok.
You will face several deaths along the way.
Be ready to accept your change because it will.
In the words of writer and poet Maya Angelou, “You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”
Death, in all its forms, is an opportunity for growth. It’s a chance to reassess our priorities, pivot when necessary, and ultimately build something better. And while it may be painful at the moment, it’s the only way we can truly create something great, something we breathe life into out of nothing.
So, as a founder, don’t shy away from death. Embrace it. Learn from it. And let it fuel your journey toward greatness.
As the writer and entrepreneur Ryan Holiday said, “Obstacles are not only to be expected but embraced. Embraced? Yes, because these obstacles are actually opportunities to test ourselves, to try new things, and, ultimately, to triumph.”
Ultimately, the deaths we experience as founders aren’t just part of the journey — they’re part of us, and we can choose how to use them to help us.